I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
