I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
