I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
