And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
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