did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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