I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
