i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
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