Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
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