it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
