she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
