shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Randomize
