Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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