Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
why didn't you poke me back
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
