I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Randomize
