Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
