i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Randomize
