Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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