This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Randomize
