I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
