I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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