I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
