I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
