So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Randomize
