I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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