Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Randomize