how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
