he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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