Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize