Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Randomize
