I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
