I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
My breasts were aching with rage.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
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