You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
