I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
