Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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