M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize
