I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Randomize
