I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Randomize
