i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Randomize
