your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Randomize
