Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
