New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
