I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Randomize
