woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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