yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
