i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
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