You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
