wake up i wanna do it froggy style
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
