New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
