i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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