i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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