She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
