I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
We have started to decorate penises.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
