Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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