somebody snuck up and got me drunk
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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