i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
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