Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I would ride that face into the sunset
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
