I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
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