I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
