Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Pappa wants mamma naked
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
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