Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
