Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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