No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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