Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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