Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
