maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
