SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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