The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
