I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
