A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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