yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
