it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I FOUND THE LEGS
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
