Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Randomize