If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
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