those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
