everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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