I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
