you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
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