She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Randomize
