dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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