The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize