There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
