Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
