Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
