But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
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