Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
