You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
