So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
