70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
