ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
