It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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