life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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