why do cheetos always look like penises
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize