Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
