I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I have post one night stand depression
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