my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
