I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
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