Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
