Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
we're making bets on your personal life
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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