There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize