It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
