Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
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