I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Randomize
